Misunderstood Assumptions

I recently had an article published for Yahoo news about being on food stamps and how I feel about it. I have been reading the responses that have been pouring in and I am just so disappointed with people and what they've said. Not all people, mind you. There are some who are willing to give the benefit of the doubt in that this article was not the full story and that there is more of an explanation. I have to say to those people: you are right, that's not all there is to this story.

The article states that I have been on food stamps for 18 years, which is not accurate. I first received food stamps 18 years ago as a single teen mom. I was only on them for a little more than a year, during which I got married. Between the two of us, our incomes exceeded the guidelines. That is to say, we were making too much to get them. Which was fine by us.

We got divorced after two years of marriage and my job by itself was not enough to cover the food expenses. By this time I had two children to care for, so I went back on food stamps. I'm glad I did because shortly after that, I lost my job. That time, due to a lot of different circumstances, it took me a while to find a job that would support my little family. Minimum wage, no matter what you may think, just doesn't support a family of three. Especially not with daycare costs for two kids.

Why not apply at McDonald's? Oh, I did that. And Wendy's, and Taco Bell, and Burger King and other various restaurants and fast food places. I was told that I was over qualified for each and every one. I got frustrated and dumbed down my resume and was told that I wouldn't be happy there for long and that's why they wouldn't hire me. I applied everywhere there was an opening. I even worked at Goodwill on the work share program through the Job Council while I was looking so I could pay rent. I got a whopping $350 a month cash and $300 food stamps for a full time job on that program. But I felt better to be working for my benefits and it looked good on a resume that I wasn't sitting idle. I could take off time whenever I needed it for interviews and such as well. They also helped with job resources that no one else had, including a personal Job Coach.

It took a little while on that program, but I finally did it! I landed that job that would support my family and allow us to get off food stamps. After working for a year and a half, the company downsized and my position was one of the ones to go. I was devastated. I had held all kinds of jobs from sales to housekeeping to maintenance, house painting to data entry to telemarketing. Out of all of them, there was only one that paid enough to get off assistance. Before you ask, no, neither of my older girl's fathers have ever paid a cent of child support or helped out in any way.  The state did go after them both for payment, but that didn't help at all.

With my divorce I was left with a lot of my ex-husband's medical bills that he refuses to pay. I also had a lot of utility shut offs due to lack of employment. When I was working, it was just enough to cover rent and basic necessities, like diapers, daycare (because even on assistance, there is a co-pay), a car to get to work and back and gas. If we needed clothes, it was always second hand stores. I don't remember ever being able to buy my older girls anything brand new except a pair of shoes every now and then, and then, Walmart has cheap shoes. But with a limited income, I had to pick and choose which utilities to pay and sometimes they went to collections. I'm still trying to pay on all that, as well as keep up with the current bills.

Another bill that I'm paying on: my student loan. My husband has one too. I was not able to complete college because the final courses I needed weren't offered all at once, and if you've ever had financial aide, you would know that they require you to attend full time to receive it. I had to try to find a job while figuring out how to pay for my last few classes, raise two girls by myself and after six months, my student loan was called in. So we are trying to pay those off as well, and until they are out of default, no more financial aid for school.

Some of the people who have read that article are making comments of how I probably have cable and cell phones and an expensive car. I want to talk to you people for a moment. No, I don't have cable. I have never been able to afford it! We have cell phones, but they are the prepaid ones and there are months when we have to let them get shut off because we can't afford them. I will not take an Obama phone. I think that program should only be for people needing phones for potential employers to contact them on. As for our car, we have an early 2000 model that the transmission is going out on because we can't afford to fix it. We haven't even been able to afford an oil change since last winter. Oh, and to address one more thing I've seen people comment on, no, my husband, who really does have A-typical Autism (that means Autism but can function socially for the most part) is not on disability. Not that he doesn't qualify, he would just prefer to work for the money to support his family. We do have internet. It's the one expense we agreed on because it will allow my to find online work while being able to care for our daughter so we won't have daycare expenses as well as help Jon in the areas he needs it so that he is able to keep his job.

Oh, and I do have a part time job, which is where the little income I provide comes from. Once again, it's something I can do from home while taking care of my baby. There are a few people who read that article and took it as I'm receiving $600 a month for daycare that I don't use. I just want to say, read the article again. It does not say that. What it says is that if I were to work a full time job out of the home, it would cost $600 a month for daycare. Nowhere does it say that I receive that amount.

It will be three years in December since Jon and I got married, and yes, we have a cute little two year old. Is this the life I want for her? Not even. But we are working to change that. As for my other two, one lives with her dad who supports her fully now, and the other is out on her own. I'm sure you're wondering if she's the next generation to be on food stamps and I'm proud to say that she is not. She works a full time job and supports herself completely. Something she's proud of! I've always encouraged my kids not to be on assistance if they could help it.

Since nothing else has ever worked out, now I'm trying writing. It's something that I'm good at without having to put my child in daycare (which would cost taxpayers even more, by the way) and all I need is to find a company or two or three that I can write for. The food stamp article was actually my very first paid article. I've written some others and they are performance pay, which means, if they aren't getting views, I don't get paid. I've made thirty cents total with those. If you really want to help, go look at those so I can get paid more and get assistance less. If I can get more writing assignments, I can get off assistance completely. I also have a book that I self published (for free) through Createspace and I'm trying to get it noticed through one of the large publishing houses. That would help to be able to stay off food stamps and any other kind of public assistance. Like I said before, I have tried many times to get off assistance, and this time I'm trying something new.

Not that my life is anyone's business, but I'm tired of people telling me that I have no business having kids and that I am an awful person. I am not an awful person. If you really cared about my family being on assistance then you would do what you could to help us get off it (like reading my other articles). As it is, I just suspect that you only want something to complain about. So until you have walked in my shoes and lived my life, I just want to say, get off my back. You obviously aren't perfect or you wouldn't be writing the nasty things that you are. Just saying.

To those who are defending me, even though you don't know me, God bless you! We need more people like you in this world. I know that you would want to help us, so I'm asking you to please check out my other articles and spread the word for my book. The more I'm able to get my work out there, the faster it will be until I'm off assistance altogether!

Miley, What Are You Thinking?

Miley, oh, Miley! What are you doin', girl? Where have your morals gone?

I feel sorry for Miley Cyrus. When I saw pictures of what she did at the 2013 VMA's, I was disgusted. What was worse, I saw people joking about how her performance with Robin Thicke was how Beetlejuice was born. (Totally inappropriate, people!)

I have to say, it's not funny that a role model for young teenage girls acts this way and people start making a joke out of it. It is no joking matter. There is obviously something going on with that girl that makes her think she needs to go to those extremes to get the attention she desires. She has caused herself far greater damage than she knows, and the fact that she didn't stop to think of how this would impact her fans shows just how immature she still is.

Just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean that you SHOULD. Just because it feels good doesn't make it right. And just because you get attention from it, doesn't mean you did something good.

I want to give a huge thank you to all the men and women who saw this and turned away. I want to say thanks to the daddies that teach their little girls that there are men of character out there who refuse to watch this garbage just because it's on TV and is socially acceptable.

In today's society, the line between far enough and too far has been pushed way back. Mothers are looked poorly upon for discretely nursing in public, yet Victoria's Secret commercials are acceptable. Modesty is frowned upon by most young people as frumpy and not at all stylish, and the opposite, tiny little bikinis that cover less than underwear, are worn every day.

Even by teenage girls in my own church.

Do you know that boys and men of all ages no longer see a person when they see someone in a bikini? Some interesting research has been done on this. The best presentation I have seen is by swimsuit designer, Jessica Rey. You can find it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJVHRJbgLz8

GIRLS: Just because a boy "wants" you, doesn't mean he respects you or even likes you. Just FYI.

On a personal note, I am very happy that I have the type of husband who sets a good example for his daughter. She is going to grow up seeing her daddy turn away from stuff like Miley Cyrus's performance and Victoria's Secret ads. She is going to grow up seeing her daddy approve of modesty and genuine empathy.

Daddies help set the tone for what kind of a young woman their daughters become. She may fight against the rules, whine when she can't wear a bikini like her friends, moan about the length of her shorts or that she can't show her midriff. But all the whining and complaining in the world is a lot better than the alternative. The Bible says "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

So I ask you: What kind of example are you setting for your daughter? Son? Niece or Nephew? How about your grandchild?

Shots Without Needles

I got a shot today.
It didn't hurt.
Not one bit.
Because it was . . .
A shot of confidence!

I have been feeling really down about my book lately due to a response I got from an agent that I submitted it to. She only read the first three chapters and didn't like what she read. My characters develop and grow as the story goes on (such as in life) but she didn't get to read enough of it to see that. What really sucked is that she said my characters "have a cliché quality" that she couldn't get past.

Excuse me, but how do you make a pirate not act like a pirate? He's going to murder, steal and lie. He's a pirate. Duh.

So her advice hit me hard and my confidence in my book sunk. My husband reassured me, but being my husband I took his opinion as a biased one and I was sure that he was just trying to make me feel better. I talked to my bestie and she swore that my book is really good and that the agent was just looking for something that she wouldn't have to ask me to fix so she can turn around and make money. That made me feel a tiny bit better, but not much. After all, best friends are biased as well.

So I called my oldest daughter, Brittney. She was the only other person who I knew that had read my book. Let me tell you about Brittney. She is stubborn and honest. If she doesn't like something, she tells you straight up. Out of everyone I know, she is the least worried that you may not like her opinion. She told me that the agent was "full of . . . " well, I won't finish that quote. She said that my characters are awesome and that the book was good enough that she was going to read it again. That was the highest compliment she could have given me. Once my daughter reads a book, she won't pick it up again. Not unless it's really good. She didn't even read Twilight twice!

Although I had the three people closest to me telling me that my book was excellent, I still had no confidence in it. Sure I continued to promote it and sell it. I even created a book trailer for it! (You can see it on my website). What's worse is that I felt so low that it was affecting my writing with the two books I'm working on now. I had pretty much stopped writing. Or at least I just avoided it unless I had a really good idea hit me.

My shot of confidence came this morning when I saw three ladies from my church come out of the Sunday School room. They came straight over to me and told me how wonderful it was and how they couldn't put it down. They raved about the characters and the story line.

With every glowing word my confidence rose and I began to hold my head higher. Oh, what a blessing those three are! God knew I needed to hear what they had to say and they sure told me. One of them even ordered me to go straight home after church and continue writing on the other two books. Sorry, I didn't get to yet, but rest assured I will tonight!

My confidence restored, I proudly say that you can find my blog, links to my articles . . . and my book . . . on my website. If you don't know the web address here -> http://www.riawarrick.com

To Wanda, Karey and Sandy . . . If you three are reading this, GOD BLESS YOU and thank you so much! You have no idea the impact you had on me today.

Keep It Clean!

I had a friend recently ask through facebook how to keep a small house clean. Well the one I'm currently living in is only 850 square feet, so it's pretty tiny. Still, I manage to keep my home pretty neat, so I felt ok in answering her. Here is what I said:

I've always had a small house and the first thing I do is go through it once a year, in the fall before Christmas, and if I find anything I haven't used in the last year, it's gone. Secondly, I don't save up for yard sales because there isn't room. Also remember, holding on to toys and clothes just takes up a lot of room, and there is nothing that you could get rid of that can't be replaced if need be.
Next rule of living in a small house, if one thing comes in, one thing needs to go out. Try not to get too many things. If you're an impulse shopper, try to stop and picture it in your space before you buy it. If you can't, then don't get it. If you really really must have it, picture what you're going to get rid of in order to have it. Is the trade worth it? Do that for toys, clothes, furnishings, everything.
If you have no built in pantry, a linen closet, old changing table or old entertainment center works well and keeps your tiny kitchen from feeling like it's going to explode at the seams. Also, bin it! I use lots of bins for storage. Not the kind you put lids on and save for later, but the kind that you can keep things you use for every day in easy reach. I like the open plastic baskets from the dollar store for toys and books.
Living in a small house is never easy if you like to shop, have kids, or have a hoarder husband (who gets mad at me for my "haven't used it in a year..." rule). So I hope some of this helps!

And I do hope this might help you too, if you live in a small house!

Getting stepped on is painful!

Have you ever had one of those moments in life when you are just fed up? That has happened to me quite a bit lately. I've had more times in the past two weeks where I just wanted to throw in the towel and be done with people! Just to scream at the top of my lungs, "THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT!"

I was at that point when I was looking for a scripture for my facebook page. I had decided to post a scripture on perseverance and was reading through a long list if them when one of them struck my soul.

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. - Galatians 6:9 ESV

I needed to hear this today. Badly. I have been feeling like I do and do and do for people but they seem to refuse to return the favor. I reach out, they pull away. I offer to help, they refuse me when I need it. I had decided just a couple of days ago that I give up. I told my husband that I was no longer helping certain people because they could never find it in their hearts to return the favor. I told him that I was no longer reaching out to certain people because they always turned their backs towards me.

Well now I have to say to those people:

You will never know who you are, because I will no longer be weary of doing good.

I REFUSE TO GIVE UP!